Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Bauer 1 : Tami 0

When people think of puppies they tend to think of cute, wriggling, fluffy little things.  All sweet and licking you with that puppy breath smell - right?

You probably don't think of being humiliated in front of neighbours you've only just met. 

Well why, oh why would you think of that?  How could a puppy humiliate you in front of your neighbours?  How can a puppy humiliate you at all?  They're so. darn. cute.

Puppies are cute for the same reasons babies are cute - rage control.

It was a Sunday morning, well er- mid morning to afternoon, and the puppy needed to go out.  Chad and I had been working in the house all morning so I was still in my pajamas - because when you're painting and getting all grubby anyway, why change your clothes? The puppy needed to go outside to pee.  Okay lets go.  So I go outside kid, puppy and me in my Pj's.(<- mistake #1)  But whatever, right?  I mean its only for a couple of minutes while the puppy does his business.  I look around and there's a couple piles for me to pick up.  I'll just run inside for one second and grab a plastic bag. (<- mistake #2)  I run inside grab a plastic bag from under the sink and run back outside.  The dog is gone.  Uh-oh.  Bauuer, Baaaauer (sugary sweet syrup voice) Ohhhhh Bauuuer where are you babbbby?

In the neighbours yard.  Oh I guess he knows he can duck under the fence.  Dang.  I run over to the fence- commmme heeeeere Bauuuuer! Look what do I have commmmme hhhherrrreeee (desperation seeping into my voice)  But I'm too late.  He is taking a dump under our neighbours trampoline. 

Now what?!?

Do I go to their front door - in my pajamas? crap.  Here's where 3 scenarios play out in my head - they are in order from most to least dignifying.

1. I manage to snafoo the dog put him in the house, change into actual decent clothing and go knock on their front door, then explain how sorry I am but that my dog slipped under the fence and could I go clean up the 'surprise' he left during his visit?  We share a laugh and they say go ahead, what a cute puppy you have! I smile warmly and thank them for their patience.

2. I sneak (actual term is probably break and enter) into their backyard when their vehicles leave and clean up the poo. Nobody is any the wiser.  This scenario involves them not noticing the dog or the poo and also hoping they don't have like security cameras and junk.

3.  Here is what actually happened:  I stood awkwardly at their back gate (in my pajamas) holding a plastic bag when the mom of the family noticed me and came to their patio door, opened it and said "...Hello..?" to which I replied "Hi, my dog ducked under the fence and has left a 'surprise' under your trampoline - could I please clean it up?"  Neighbour lady, " .. Sure... You have two dogs ?! " with a look that made me feel like an animal hoarder.  "yep, sure do. I replied" It wasn't enough that he had to poo under the trampoline but like in the middle.  So I had to crawl on my hands and knees pick up the poo and crawl back out.  I picked up my dog and my plastic bag and exited back to my yard.  Oh and did I mention she was wearing a gorgeous summer dress, hair done, oh yeah and they had company over at the time. 

When Chad and I made our list of pro's and con's to getting a puppy - this one DEFINITELY wasn't on there.   Any good ideas on how to convince my neighbours that they don't need to move we aren't weirdo's?  Anything I've thought of would only remind them that I'm the girl who crawled under your trampoline to pick up poop. 

Sigh.  Good thing he's cute.  (that frickin' dog better save my life one day he OWES me now)  



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