Thursday, May 30, 2013

Slowing down

It's something we should all know how to do.  But do we actually do it?  It's something I'm being forced to consider. 

Overnight, for no obvious reason, Paige has started stuttering.  It's not something she can control and she gets very upset when she can't make her wants or needs known right away.  At first we just kind of ignored it, waiting for her to finish her sentence.  Then we tried to help her by re-stating what she said without stuttering and letting her try again, slower.  It's helping a little but she's still doing it and is still frustrated by it.  I really feel for her.  I mean she's been talking since she was a year old and talking in sentences since a year and a half.  She also speaks properly most of the time, using correct pronouns etc.  For her to not be understood is almost a foreign concept now and its really upsetting for little Paige.  Yeah it seems crazy but I was the same way.  Maybe its because I talked so early but I also speak very quickly.  I am also always, always busy.  Going somewhere, doing something, rushing.  Always rushing.  It actually brings a song from my childhood to mind.

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

I asked my co-workers about it at coffee time this morning and someone brought up that their son had developed a stutter the same way Paige has, almost overnight.  She took him to the doctor about it and the doctor said the solution was simple.  Slow down.  When life is too fast and they feel rushed they are trying to hurry but they're too little.  They can't.  I feel terrible.  I did this.  We are in the process of packing as we will be moving in 2 to 3 weeks so yeah - my house is chaos.  I am always trying to cram more into a day because there is SO. MUCH. to do.  But at what cost? 

I want to cry just typing this.  No mother wants to cause their child stress.  I don't want her to feel rushed.  I guess I always, or almost always, feel in a rush - I don't want her to feel the way I do and yet that's exactly what I'm doing.  I can't thank my co-worker enough.  With one simple comment she just changed my life.  I need, NEED to slow down - in every aspect of my life.  It will take more 'after hours' work on my part I do believe but it will be so worth it if I can help my baby girl.



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