Friday, January 11, 2013

I needed a time out

Is that fair?  I had the most miserable morning a few days ago, Wednesday actually.  Mostly it was my fault.  I piddled away a precious 20 minutes in the morning and it put my whole morning behind (surprise surprise) by 20 minutes!  Because of plans I had that evening I knew I needed to have Chad's lunch made and dropped off as well as pack all of my running gear (so that I could do my run on my lunch hour) in addition to the regular junk that has to get done in the morning.  Things that could've hypothetically gotten done during my wasted 20 minutes.  Then Paige was dragging her feet and running away from me and doing things that 2 year olds do.  Doing things she does most mornings and it wasn't fair but I was frustrated and annoyed.  The really crappy part?  I was annoyed with myself.  But who gets to be hurried and hastled for that?  Yep my baby girl.  I hate even typing it.  I really do.  I apologized to her and said mommy was sorry that she yelled and acted in anger and do you know what my 21 month old did? She hugged me and said its ok mommy.  I hugged her back and kissed her and said its not ok but mommy is glad that you can forgive her.  When I dropped her off at day care she cried and wanted mom.  I'm not sure why if I were my own mother that morning I wouldn't have wanted me.  Not even a little bit.  So I cried on my way to work and my heart ached for anger I can't take back.  All I can do is my best to make sure that it doesn't happen again.  I can only do my best but some days it feels like my best just isn't enough.  Love you paiger-danger. Mommy's sorry.  

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