Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Let it snow...

I love to look outside and see everything covered in a thick blanket of pure white with just the moon (or streelights if its not a full moon) bouncing up off it. That is what I woke up to this morning and I know that it makes for crappy driving conditions and it costs time and money to clear but I don't care! I love it! It makes me feel so cozy inside my little home.  It's days like this that I have to squish down the ugly feelings of resentment and guilt and pity for myself and hopefully one day I'll squish them right out. Because on mornings like this?  I want nothing more than to cuddle with my girlie for as long as she wants and eat a big homemade breakfast at a leisurely pace and then play in the snow until she doesnt want to anymore.  I want to cook her lunch and play with her.  I want to curl up in our big chair by the window under a blanket and read her stories as we watch the snow fall.  I want to cuddle her to sleep and share a nap with her.  I want to have fresh baked cookies ready for her when she wakes up from her afternoon snooze and I want to have time for her to 'help' me prepare supper.  I want a leisurely evening with no time lines and no rush.  My wants grow and grow and I have to remember to be thankful for what I have.  I have good, caring people looking after her for me.  I have a good job that I love doing and that helps provide for us.  But sometimes when the right (or wrong I suppose) mood strikes I just resent everyone that has what I want, I feel guilt that I didn't choose it, and I feel pity for myself for missing out on every amazing, hilarious thing she has done and said all day, every week day.  So today I will do my best to stamp those ugly feelings out and when I pick her up from day care I will do my best to make the evening part of my dream day a reality and I guess right now that's all I can do.  Any other moms ever get like this?  I guess the grass is always greener right? or in the case the snow whiter and fluffier?



This is us last Saturday after I got home from work! She loves to play outside!

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