As pointed out by a friend and co-worker I have not blogged since December 12 2012. There is a reason, many reasons, but the big one being that I just haven't been able to bring myself to blog without crying. This may sounds silly but its the honest truth. I recently stumbled onto (through facebook feeds and a commenter on a picture that I was intrigued by the name of (it sounded like a group) Kai's fight club I used to practise Jui Jitsu and so I followed it to a facebook page which led me to a blog which I read the most recent post of) It was not a martial arts blog. It was the blog of a mother who was carrying on after losing her son, Kai to an inoperable brain tumor. Once I started reading her words pulled me in and I couldnt stop I read their whole story from blog start to the most recent post. It was heart breaking and sad but while reading I learned a lot in a very short span of time. I learned that anything can happen. I guess I already knew this but it's something you don't think of all the time - nothing is guaranteed. I celebrated with her as she wrote about happy times and her over flowing love for her son and I cried as I read about his decent into the disease and how he eventually had to stop fighting and succumb to it. It was hard but I gained a new appreciation for my little miracle and maybe a new perspective on life. Live life now to the best of your ability because nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow.
After I had recovered a little bit from reading that blog there was another emotional rollercoaster to ride. The horrible unspeakable tradgedy in Sandy Hook. I think it may be the first time I have sobbed from a news boadcast. All of those families whose babies were taken and all of those familes whose babies had their innocence stolen away from them. Chad being a firefighter doesn't help because I can see the tradgedy from two perspectives a parent and a spouse of a first responder. All of those police officers, fire fighters, paramedics and crime team had to go home after that. They all had to process what they saw and had to deal with too. I don't have any words to describe how I felt in the wake of it. Heart broken, and sick for all those people isn't a strong enough statement but I don't think there is a stong enough statement in the world. I agree with those who have said lets remember the victims. Let's make their names household names instead of the evil doer. Lets have these precious angels inspire us to do better and make this world a better place in any way we can. Lets honor them by filling the world with positivity and happiness. Hug your babies, love one another and pass good deeds on and on.
We have also been in the middle of Christmas chaos. With gifts to buy and wrap, cards to thank people for (because my crafty diy cards didn't exactly make it to the finish line), food to eat, family to hug, places to drive to and everything else that is wonderful and magical and crazy about Christmas needed to happen. It was a great Christmas with Paige really getting into it. A little sad as it was the first Christmas without Chad's Papa there. The song 'Christmas must be special in heaven' sprung to mind more than a few times this holiday season for many reasons. Chad's grandma did really well and we enjoyed celebrating with her. Paige seems to have a good cheering effect on most people, as do all little ones I think. She was the designated Santa at all of our gatherings and did so well! No tantrums and very few tears! She must love Christmas as much as her old mom does! I will fill up the next post with pictures of the festivites and get my blogging groove back. It was just hard to write at all after all of that. I do apologize as this is a heavy post but I will get those pictures up and that's bound to have you smiling!